Shall I start at the beginning?

Right now the only person I know that is reading this blog is Megan. (You will hear more about her later). But,I figured I should give the people who are (some day) reading this,a little background on Colin. This kid has been high maintenance since week 18 in the womb. At our "routine" ultrasound,the tech noticed something with his heart. (We did not know that he was a boy and did not find out until he was born). The tech got on the phone with the docs at St. Joe's hospital (they could see the monitor). When she got off the phone she explained that what she was seeing was that his heart was not in the correct location (it was turned around and tilted). She immediately sent us to the hospital so the docs there could take a look. I don't really remember what happened at that point. I just remembered I was very scared for most of my pregnancy. We had SEVERAL ultrasounds at the UM pediatrics heart clinic (probably not the correct name but close enough). At every ultrasound his heart was working the way it was suppose to but they always commented at how BIG he was. At 25 weeks he measured like he was at 27 weeks,etc. At this point I have to say that I was a complete basket case however,nobody would have ever known. I held it together SO well. But, deep down inside I was so worried that something would be wrong with his heart and he would have to have open heart surgery when he was born or he would die. Every time we had an ultrasound they said his heart was working the way it should. So,after the upteenth ultrasound,I began to relax a little. The rest of the pregnancy was pretty uneventful. I gave birth to a whopping 9 lb. 1 oz 22 in. baby boy in 2003.He was exactly 2 pounds and one inch bigger than his BIG 2 year old brother when he was born. To this day,Colin is pretty big for his age. Although he has lost much of the fat and has stretched out. His Big brother (by 2 years,remember) is still taller than him but only by one inch. Someday Colin will be taller than his big brother I am sure.

Where do I begin?

I just finished reading a book called "That Went Well" by Terrell Harris Dougan. The author tells the story of growing up with her mentally disabled sister. The story continues into adulthood where the author is left to care for her sister after her parents have passed on. Some of her stories made me laugh out loud but many of them made my heart ache. I know the stories all too well. The stories are similar to many of my stories of my son,Colin. So many times I was taken back to a time when Colin freaked out in school because the noise bothered his ears or when his routine was disrupted and the only way he knew how to handle it was to have a full blown temper tantrum (sometimes in public). Oh yes,I know those stories all too well. I loved that book because I could totally relate and I felt like there is someone out there who knows exactly how I feel. It also made me think of Blake,my "general ed" "typically developing" "normal" son. You see,he is the one who will have the burden of caring for his brother when my husband and I are gone. One reason I did not have a 3rd child is because I didn't think I could handle another kid when I have a son with special needs. OR "what if" I had another special needs child. Two would be too much to handle. After reading this book I now wish I would have had that 3rd child so Blake would not be the only one responsible for his brother later in his adult life. I do know this....I was given my Colin for a reason. He has something to do with my purpose in life. I want to help other families who might be struggling with a special needs child. How? that I do not know. Sometimes I think it's just nice to know you are not alone.