I knew there was a reason I wanted him to stay little forever

When Colin was younger,like 5 or 6,even 7 and 8,he was the sweetest,cutest,kindest kid around. Let me rephrase that,he is still sweet BUT...... Flash forward,he is 11 now. The past year (or maybe more) has been hell. His behavior has changed and he all of a sudden has these behavior issues,that even I can't explain. I do think it is probably a combination of things and I do know that my husband and I (both are TEACHERS for crying out loud) tried several of our own techniques before we finally resorted to therapy. In hind sight,we probably should have gone sooner but we are both teachers and had years of experience dealing with problem children. So my frustration got the best of me and we decided to seek outside help. Ok,so his behavior? Well,let me just say there are too many things going on. He is violent (although that has gotten better since getting help),he swears,he throws (and breaks) things,he slams doors,he yells,and he has told me (more than once) he hates me or wants to kill me. He seems to have some real real anxiety with ME. He has always been very needy and clingy with me and he still is. BUT,he also gets very mad at me (for no apparent reason at times). So that is basically,what is happening with his behavior,in a nutshell. So tonight. Tonight. Tonight was the first time I realized,that I LOVE him but I don't like him. I really don't like him. I mean,I don't want to be here at bedtime anymore (bedtime is USUALLY when the behavior occurs). I don't want to be around him and frankly,right now,I can't stand him. His behavior can be verbally and mentally abusive and tonight I just had enough. I don't know if any mother has ever felt that about their own kid (please tell me there is someone who has?) But,honestly,I feel like a complete failure as a parent. I can handle the cognitive issues,the speech delays,the motor skill problems. I can handle his non-threatening health issues (of which there are several). BUT,BUT I cannot handle these behavior issues of him being Jekkel and Hyde. You never,never know what you are going to get and you are always walking on egg shells. SO,don't feel bad for me,just pray!

Frustrating seems to be the key word here

Ok,so I haven't been on top of my blogging game here. I don't know how people do this everyday. So,yes it's been a while since I have blogged. I guess my purpose for trying to do this blog is so that maybe others would see it and realize they are not alone. What I mean by this is, When you are a parent of a kid with ANY challenges,life is not easy,or fun,or relaxing,or calm,or relaxing,did I mention fun? And here's the thing,you feel like you are alone because most of your friends are people with "normal" kids. That's not to say that the parents of your "special" child are not in this with you. They are and they totally get it. You do form a special bond with those parents because they DO "get it". What I'm talking about is the friends that you go to lunch with or for a girls night out. The friends you regularly work out with or hang out with at parties. The friends you talk to or text on the phone regularly. At least in my case,all of these friends have "normal" kids. So I guess what I hope is that those parents that are feeling lost,or hopeless and feel like nobody else could possibly know what they are going through,I GET IT. There are a ton of people that do know what you are going through and they understand. It's just that,I'm sorry to say,you probably don't know who they are. That sucks,doesn't it? So just know that you are not alone,even though you feel like it. Find those parents in your area that have special needs kids,meet them,get to know them. Once you talk to them you will feel SO much better and you will feel normal. If all else fails,read my blog (if I keep this up) and find some comfort in the fact that you are not alone in this world of raising a child with special needs or challenges that most kids don't have to face. and stay tuned for my next post.....