It's just exhausting

No doubt being a parent is exhausting. Being a special needs parent,well let's just say it can be down right crippling. Colin has some issues (really? that's right he is special needs for a reason!) Generally,his behavior is "normal". His teachers report he has no behavior issues at school,ever. I think they would be shocked to know that he has lots of behavior issues at home. I don't know if he holds it all in at school and then explodes at home or if we are just bad parents. I would like to think we are pretty good parents since our first son has (so far) turned out just fine. Here's something really interesting though....When you are a parent you tend to get lots of advice from other seasoned parents on what to do in any given situation. People are not short on advice let me tell you. When you are a parent of a special needs child and you are asking (begging) for advice on what to do in any given situation,you get silence. This I know from experience. I have asked many people for help with Colin's behavior problems,nobody really knows what to tell me. We actually went to a family therapist for a bit. As helpful as she tried to be,I felt she didn't have experience with cognitively impaired children,so we stopped going to her. Things are definitely better this year vs. last year. We have recognized some of the signs that Colin is breaking down but we are not there 100% yet. For example,we know when he gets tired he is bound to have some sort of issue. Staying up late for him is not an option or we will pay for it at 10:00 when we try to put him to bed. Sometimes we won't pay for it until the next day.Also,if he is hungry he gets very agitated. So,we let him eat whenever he wants to. (Luckily he is really skinny!)As much as we can predict (and sometimes stop) his meltdowns or rages,we still call him a loose cannon. One minute he can be in the best mood and then you say or do something (can't find a pattern to this yet) and he explodes. When he explodes,there isn't much you can do except ride it out. I have found that reasoning does NOT work and trying to make him happy doesn't work,certainly arguing or yelling doesn't work either! Ignoring him (sometimes) maddens him but talking to him annoys him. It can be a vicious cycle. One thing I do know for certain,MOST of the time Colin is as sweet as pie. So I enjoy those pie moments all the time. I brace myself when the rollercoaster starts because I never know when we will get off. I guess it just part of parenting,special needs or not.

I hate days like this

I hate days like this when I feel bad about having a special ed kid. And then I feel guilty for feeling bad about having a special ed kid. Here's what happened today that made me sad but really more just angry. I went on a field trip with Colin. Should be fun,right? Well,when you go with the whole 3rd grade and the 3rd grade special ed kids come along and they are segregated the whole time,well let's just say,it sucks! Colin is suppose to be mainstreamed into the general ed classroom (I thought a little bit every day,but I found out it only happens 1-2 times per week. This is another post at another time.) He is suppose to feel like he is part of the class by having his name on the birthday poster,having a seat in the room,attending parties,etc. NONE of this is happening. When we arrived at our field trip destination,Colin was not assigned to be with any of the general ed kids in a group. The teacher seemed very put off with this suggestion from the teaching assistant that came on the trip. So all of the special ed kids (parents and teaching assistants) made our own group and hung out together. The general ed kids,teachers,parents hardly noticed us and never acknowledged us. At the end of the trip the 3rd grade class (that Colin is suppose to be a "part" of) got together for a group picture while the special ed kids sat off to the side. Not one person even thought to have "those" kids be part of the picture. It saddened me and angered me. And it made me,just for a minute,feel sorry for myself. But then I felt sorry for Colin,being treated like such an outsider. More importantly I feel sorry for those general ed kids (and parents and teachers) that are not seeing the opportunity to know some really special kids,one of them being mine.