Everything Sucks Right Now

     This was the title from the post I published about 3 months ago AND it was the post that has received the most hits since I shared my blog a few years ago. I find it incredibly sad that the post with the most negative title was the post that everyone wanted to read. I really can't blame people, I mean, even I am attracted to the negative news (why I continue to be drawn to the Real Housewives, is beyond me.)
     My purpose in sharing my blog was to find and possibly help other families that might be in similar situations. I was feeling very disconnected because I had a special needs child and I felt nobody really understood me or my situation. In turn, it became more of a venting for me and in some cases, me wanting people to feel sorry for me. I do think it raised a level of awareness for people that I am surrounded by but not necessarily the venue for which I was hoping.
    I did find a few people in my circle that I did not know, had similar situations. A friend from high school that I had probably not seen since we graduated, sent me a message about her special needs daughter. A family members daughter that has a son with "issues" and another high school friend whose child has behavior issues. Plus, I cannot forget, the moms I met when Colin first entered "special ed" and we had play dates with our special needs kids all through elementary school and we all felt "normal" being together. (I miss you ladies!)
     I have decided that I am done making my blog public. I am no longer going to put it "out there" for everyone to see. What I wanted to accomplish, didn't work. I don't think it's fair to Colin to always air our dirty laundry. He is genuinely a sweet, caring, and loving boy and it's not fair for me to show the other side of him.
     I am still going to write. I write all the time and I have decided I am going to practice my craft in private with the possibility of some day writing a book. I may decide to start a blog again, if I can do it the way I envision. But, for now, I keep my thoughts and ideas private.
   

Hugging Teenagers

     Not too long ago I posted a quote on my facebook page, " Talking to teenagers is like hugging a cactus". I laughed and then, I cried. Cried because it was SO true. It was so painful to talk to my teenager. I am not talking about Colin here. Colin is still a chatterbox, even when he's mad and grumpy. No, I am talking about my first born, my now 16 year old, Blake. 

     Beginning in 8th grade (still talking about Blake here) I started to not like my own child! He became moody and grouchy and really no fun at all. The eye rolls! Oh, the eye rolls. The huffs and the puffs and the, "MOM!" The only thing that got me through that was thinking "if Blake was a girl this might be 100 times worse." My first thought was, "I'm sure my mother is looking down on me with a little snicker." (Sorry, Mom!) and "How in the hell am I going to get through these teenage years?!"

     I started pleading to my friends with little ones. DON'T BLINK. TIME FLIES. IT GOES BY SO FAST. ENJOY THIS TIME. IT WILL BE OVER BEFORE YOU KNOW IT. JUST WAIT. CHERISH THIS TIME. (and my favorite) I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO HAVE THOSE YEARS BACK.

     I did think that. I was missing the younger years. The years when Blake would cuddle up next to me and tell me, "I love you Mommy!" The years when he would be sick and just want me to hold him. All.Day.Long. The years I had to tie his shoes and zip his coat and make sure he had 3 square meals a day. The years  I had to go outside and PLAY and play all day long, because he could not be outside by himself. The years I had to do his laundry (yes, he does his own laundry now), walk him down to the neighbors, walk him to the bus stop, have a babysitter stay with him if I went out, drive him EVERYWHERE! I did miss those years, I really did. And I DO cherish them!

     I see my friends with little ones and I see how exhausted they are (the parent, not the little one) and when someone joked with me to trade places with them my first thought was, "Awww, yes I would love to stay home with a sick toddler and cuddle all day." But then I was like, "Hell no! I've done puke and snot and crying kids who are sick and inconsolable TOO many times. I've paid my dues folks. Your turn!" 

     I have learned to embrace my teenager(s)! I take every little moment I get from them. The good, the bad and the ugly. I still ask questions and get eye rolls and sighs. I still have moments that there is very little conversation. I TRY not to be a nag. I TRY not to talk TOO much (ha, ha) and I try to be real. I also let my teenagers know that I am always there for them, no matter what. When my oldest will be specific with me and actually tell me something and TALK to me, I listen. I ask very little and I just listen. Tonight, he hugged me out of nowhere. I asked (jokingly), " OK, what do you want? Money? " He said, "Nothing. You're a good mom." 

      So, friends of little ones, continue to enjoy and cherish this time. It does go by fast and will be over before you know it. But, don't dwell on anything and don't dread what is coming. Take every day and moment and enjoy it, and move on. Every stage has pros and cons, every stage. So focus on the + and pray that you make it out alive! 

       I promise you will never hear me say " Just wait!" again! 

p.s. My kids have been doing their own laundry for years now (Blake started in 4th grade and Colin in 6th.)  P.s.s. those of you with little ones, DO IT! you will be so grateful! That's my last piece of advice!