In this for the long haul......

So this is not going to be a quick fix. We had an appointment with the therapist the other day and basically in a nutshell: we are using meds with the least resistance meaning,low dose,low side effects. There are drugs out there to help us but, it may take some trial and error before we find the perfect one AND this is going to go on through middle and high school.

The therapist is pretty sure that much of his anxiety,aggression,etc. is due to the fact that #1 he is becoming aware of his differences amongst his peers. #2 Puberty. There is a connection in his brain that isn't connecting when it comes to his emotions and reality. He doesn't know what to do with his emotions and he can't articulate his feelings.  Imagine being in a country where you don't speak the language. You are trying to fit in but because you can't speak the language,you don't. Everyone is very pleasant but you are not a part of the group.  That is how I imagine it must feel for C,in a way. As adults,we know how to handle our feelings of loneliness and any other emotion for that matter.  With him,you have to remember that even though he is 11,his mind is more like 7 or 8.

So,finding a way to make it through these teenage years is going to be challenging. But,I feel up to the task!

I also need to change my perspective on things from time to time and stop feeling sorry for myself. A little boy in the community where I teach was just diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor. He is 4. My heart goes out to this family and the devastation they are facing. I am lucky,my kids are here with me and growing. Even though C is causing some hiccups in our family dynamics,he is mostly a sweet,kind,sensitive,funny boy. You really can't help but love him when you meet him. And for that,I am grateful!

Every Rose has it's Thorn

I took C to soccer practice tonight. I think I mentioned he did Special Olympics for the first time this past year and he met his good friend E. They are so cute together and have a lot in common. Every time we see E,she is such a delight! She has so much energy and she really speaks her mind but,I love that! C adores her so what's not to love?! So E's mom and I were talking and she asked me how things were going with C's meds and all that. I unloaded to her and she also shared that E has been having a hard time lately too (she sometimes hits,etc. when she is upset). I think both of us feel relieved to share with one another because we know we will not judge. I totally get where she is coming from when she tells me stories and the feeling is reciprocated. I have shared my struggles with a few close friends but most people have no idea that my sweet,little boy is so violent. I just don't want people's perception of him to change. When you meet him and know him,he is so,so sweet and caring and very in touch with other's feelings. Ironically,just not his own. I just don't want people to judge him. Ever. That's all.

the last time

So that last post which was dated on Sept. 19th? Ironically,we had a major,major episode THAT night. Probably hours after I wrote that. SO I will spare everyone the details (again,not pretty). Luckily,the psychiatrist was able to get us in the next day and we started a new med. I don't even know what to say,really,except this is not the life I envisioned for myself.

A good start.......

We just finished our 3rd week of school and I have to say,it has gone far better than I thought it would. We had one major,major hiccup which I will talk about in a bit. C has loved school so far and he is doing well with a new school. Way,way better than I ever thought. He seems to like all of his teachers and his classes. I am thrilled that he is going out to some general ed classes. He does all of the electives with the general ed peers and he does science and social studies as well. Although,those two classes he has a teaching assistant that goes with him to help him with the work. It is way too hard but I think it's beneficial for him to be with his gen ed peers as much as possible.

Ok,so the major episode. It happened at the end of the first week. It was the worst violence I have ever seen from him. I really don't want to hash it all out but trust me when I say,it was bad. I ended up with a few bruises and we had some broken dishes and turned over chairs in the end. I got on the phone with the psychiatrist and the psychologist (who are working together) and hopefully between the two of them,we can figure something out. We may have to increase meds or change them completely. Right now,things are stable and we haven't had any problems since that happened.

I often wonder if I did something to cause this. I will never know........