One step forward,Two steps back (Have I used this title before?)

     I think I am too hopeful. I always want to believe the best in EVERYTHING! Maybe,I'm just naive. I want to believe that all people are good,that everyone is looking out for someone besides themself,that people's intentions are good. I want to believe that once C gets over a hurdle,he'll never have to jump that hurdle again. Ok,so  it's time to take off my rose colored glasses,I know.
     So we have been seeing a therapist for C's voilent behavior. If I have not blogged about this,in a nut shell-he gets very angry and becomes very violent. So,we have tried a few things and things have been going pretty good. We went on a family vacation and only had one major episode (which is really good) and since we have been home for the last 5-6 days/nights,things have been Bad (with a capital B). We know that SOMETHING is causing this anxiety/anger but trying to figure out what it is,is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Thank God we see out therapist this week and we are going to talk to her about trying some meds. We did not want to start off with any meds because we thought maybe we could figure this out but it has become apparent to us that we can't do this. I would much rather medicate my kid instead of having him hit,kick,punch,slap me AND call me names,horrible,horrible names. I told my husband that I feel like what an abused wife must feel like except,it's my son AND I can't leave.
        Ok,one more thing. I need to have a pitty party for a minute. My disclaimer: I have only once asked "Why me?" and I have always felt that we were given C for a reason and I have felt so fortunate that he doesn't have anything major going on. All of his needs are very mild compared to other special needs kids I am in contact with. Here's my pity: WHY ME? I can handle just about anything but this,this is too much.

I sure hope we can find meds that work.