Back to the grind......

The other day I was waiting for C at the psychologists office and I was reading a magazine geared towards parents of special needs kids. In an article that I was reading it stated that,due to the high demands of having a special needs child,most mothers of special needs children do not work (outside of the home). Hmmmmm..........

This is my problem. I work. Outside of the home. I am a teacher. I ,sometimes,teach kids similar to my own. I go home to my own child,never knowing what I will get. Sometimes he is calm and cool and the evening goes smoothly. Other times. Well,other times,I am not as lucky. And here's the thing,I NEVER know what I will get. Never. And things can change in an instant,and many times,do.

If I had a crystal ball 15 years ago (when we first started trying to get pregnant) if I had known that I was going to be the parent of a child with NEEDS (let's not call it special right now), If I could have known then how time consuming (among other things) it would be,I never,never,never would have become a teacher. I would have picked a mindless desk job that I could leave at work and just pick up when I returned.

That being said,I am a teacher. I have been going into my classroom to get things ready and yesterday was the day that teachers had to report. Teaching is hard work. In my 18 years of teaching it has gotten more difficult,for a number of reasons. But mostly,it has gotten more and more demanding. Every year I feel like teachers are asked to do more with less. It has created a lot of stress in my life and then of course,add in my special needs kid. Yeah. And have I mentioned that my husband coaches football? If you don't know anything about coaches let me just tell you this-they are never around during the season. So that means I cannot count on my husband for much from mid August through October (let's not even mention if they make the play offs).

Let's hope that C's meds are working when school starts. He is starting a new school (middle school) this year and he is a bit anxious about it. If I flashback to last year when he was having major anxiety,I recall a sobbing child clinging to me for dear life and not wanting me to leave. Do you know how hard it is to rip your child's hands away from you and leave. But wait,then you go to a classroom full of 32 students who NEED you! It just seems a little backwards to me. I am taking care of other children's needs but not my own child.

So my hope is that the meds are working and he is calm,cool and collected. I hope his year is good because then that means my year (at school) will be good. I can focus on my teaching more and not worry about him. I also know I cannot let my guard down either. I need to be prepared for the worst but (obviously) hope for the best. That's all I can do.