This is not a lie. I will spare all the details because if you read my blog or you know me well, then you know what this means. If you don't read my blog, I suggest you go back to the beginning and read it.
We are at a point where things have NOT gotten better with Colin, in fact, they may be getting worse. Thank God we have a snow day tomorrow so I can spend some time on the phone trying to find someone that can help us. Colin has a social worker he sees outside of school, but I don't really think he is helping much.
I am at the point right now where I need to find help for myself and I need to find help for our entire family. I think the issue goes way past more than just anxiety for Colin, there is something deeper. I worry about Blake too. He sees and hears so much of this, I know he wants to help. I even wonder if it is the reason why he can be mean to Colin.
Our life is somewhat in tormoil right now. As much as I love Christmas and the whole Holiday season, I am finding it hard to find the joy in the season. I want to so bad. I wake up every morning with such hope for the day.
In the meantime, I do what I can to get through each day. I try not to feel guilty when I slack but it's really hard sometimes. My own life is on hold right now, and that is hard for me.
I don't really want to talk to anybody about this but then sometimes, I do. Of course, it always seems to be late at night when I know all of my friends are sleeping! Yet, I have had a couple of people tell me that I can go to their house or call them anytime, but, I don't. I don't want to burden anyone. I don't want to put a wrench in their routine.
What I really want is for things to be like they were when we were all happy. But, I don't think I can ever get those days back. I need to move forward and hope and pray that Colin can find a place where he can be happy and I don't have to suffer anymore.
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