What breaks my heart the most

I have been preparing myself  the last couple of years for middle school with Colin. At his last 2 IEPs I stressed that my biggest concerns for him were not academic but social. Since I am a teacher, I know how kids can be , especially in middle school.

Everybody loves Colin. Let me rephrase that, everybody over the age of 18, loves Colin. He doesn't have any friends his age and that hurts. Sure, the kids that are in his special ed class could be considered friends and in elementary school, they were. But, I'm not talking about special ed kids.

The general education kids are usually nice to him, I think.  Earlier this year I witnessed an exchange that makes me wonder, especially now in middle school.  Colin really wanted to go to the school's first fun night. I knew it would probably be a good idea for me to volunteer to chaperone the event (and I'm glad I did). While we were waiting for the event to start some 6th grade girls were hanging out together and Colin went up to them to say "Hi". One of the girls said, "Hi" and then looked at her friends and rolled her eyes. Most of the other girls were giving "looks".  My heart sank to my stomach. I knew exactly what those looks meant. I knew because I was that 6th grade girl once.

At first, Colin was all over the place and not paying much attention to me. I had my post and was standing, watching the dance floor. He did come to the dance floor and was bored because he had no friends to hang out with. I think he tried. It only took an hour for him to have a melt down. He came to me with tears in his eyes and wanted to leave. I don't know what happened and my best guess is that nobody was paying attention to him. I sure hope it wasn't because someone was being mean to him. That I will never know.

We always have treated C as if he were a gen ed kid. We had him try all of the sports you normally would with kids. He played soccer for a long time with the gen ed kids. He was in scouts all through elementary. He played basketball.  So why am I hesitant to have him sign up for basketball in middle school? I think you know the answer to that.

I have decided at can't tell him no. I need to let him do it and hope and pray that the kids (and parents) understand. I hope and pray that they will encourage him and cheer him on. Much of his behavior issue has to do with his self esteem. In fact, I would say probably most of it does. So you can understand another reason I am hesitant. If this doesn't go well, it will most certainly escalate things with him.

I really hate that my motto is , " expect the worst and hope for the best."